Ever sit up and wonder, not just think i mean give deep thought as to what you are really doing here. You sit and you look at the family and friends around you day to day and wonder, why your here. Clearly life could go on with out you around, they could make it, they could survive if you weren't in there immediate presence. Not that you want to leave this earth or anything, don't get it twisted. Just that you don't feel like you are any longer a unique piece to their particular puzzles. They could find a similar piece at anytime to feel the void and then what does that make you... an extra in there action movie... no body ever sees the extra.
And then you go on to think a little deeper, how do you feel about that? The thought of being invisible to the ones you love the most, the ones who you spend your day trying to make happy, keep save, nourish or just exist for. You wake up and you realize, you no longer exist to them... you are an extra. You have spent all of you life on them, you have totally put your self, your needs, your wants, your dreams and your very individual existence on hold for everyone else.
It was never your dream to change diapers, wipe noses, make appointments, play taxi cab driver, be a counselor, a nurse practitioner, a secretary , a short order cook, a pharmacy tech, a maid, where mom jeans, be clueless to the latest styles or hair dos, not be pampered, complemented, or appreciated simply because your a woman. That was never you dream. You were gonna be someone... someone important that people cared for unconditionally and could not live without, not the person that felt undesirable to live with. Your had enough pain growing up... you didn't need anymore in your grown adult life, your were gonna make your adult life be soo much more... people were just gonna love you for a change.
Then you wake up one day, not from a dream but from life it's self and you realize, your life has become all of what you didn't set out to have it be.. But the most important thing that you realize is that although tomorrow is not promised to you.... It is a new day, you can do new things, you can have a new mindset and you can make new possibilities... Make something new happen... Remember, everything has a season, and although life wasn't glamorous a lot of times along the way, you made the most of your season. It was you purpose at the time to be everything you were. But maybe just maybe, that is not the same purpose you have now... maybe that is why you are so restless, so unfulfilled. you haven't evolved in your new purpose.
So let me explain in depth that this doesn't mean abandon your family and everyone you love. No quite the contrary, this means that you un abandon yourself and incorporate yourself back into the equations. Listen to your favorite music on your head phones, you know the kind no one else around you gets but takes you to new levels (old school prince and old school rap for me). Dance around the house with the kids like your 20 again, find a new hair do, paint your nails, write, draw, go for a walk, watch a sad flick and grab a tissue or two (cry we wont tell), watch a comedy and laugh until you cry... Call someone and just say hello or I'm sorry that ruined our friendship (finally let it go, don't sweat the small stuff-closure is awesome). Hold your other half's hand, write them i i love you note or to, tell them how you still love them, and you appreciate what the two of you have together. Tell them, you appreciate them spending there years with you (we all need to feel appreciated). Kiss your kids and your partner (you never know which kiss is your last), complement the people you go to sleep and wake up with, everyone in the streets compliment them why don't you (remember, you don't miss what you have until its gone and you wanted enough to go after it a one time.. appreciate it and you'll keep it forever.).
Look at your self, remember your own beauty, your own likes and dislikes and everything that makes you you. Remember who you were and analyze who you are today, then tell God to guild you and use you, show you your new purpose, to take your gifts and amplify them to the world and use them for his good! Be open be honest be you ... find your self... find YOUR PURPOSE!
THANK YOU FOR READING... REMEMBER THIS IS... MY POETRY, MY HEART, MY SOUL! I LOVE YOU ALL. Later Never Bye
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